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The Nibble Theory Summarized from “The Nibble Theory and the Kernel of Power” by Fatima Siddiqi
There are many books today written about leadership, change, personal growth but nothing is quite as simple and explicit as the book “The Nibble Theory and the Kernel of Power” by Kaleel Jamison. It is easy to talk of personal growth as a ME concept; what do I do, what are my beliefs, my strengths etc. You have to remember that there is a world out there that will affect that growth. Compliments make you feel good and create confidence; rejections lower your self worth. This is why we have to deal with ourselves inside-out while familiarizing that change with the unstable environment outside. What will happen when we meet others for the first time? Like the animal kingdom, we size them up and establish our dominance. If one is bigger than the other, we try to level the playing field. You can think of it like running a race and you are at the end of all the runners. Either you can speed up and use all your energy to catch up, OR you can grab on to the other person to slow him down and hold him back. The former requires real effort and a desire to push forward. The latter is an easier solution (and a selfish one –‘if I can’t win, I won’t let anyone else either’). We can refer to this as a “nibble”. Nibbling isn’t just about bringing a bigger person down. It can also be used by a person higher up in the chain to nibble at those under him, keep them in their place and avoid them moving ahead. Another more common aspect is allowing yourself to be “nibbled”. We do this to feel valued by another, to fit in as part of a group or “peer pressure” if you will. Whatever the case may be, nibbling affects the group dynamics by not letting every person on the team benefit from growth. The person we end up betraying the most is OURSELF because we do not explore that which we are truly capable of.
Growing ourselves Why do we do it? Because growth is a risky and painful process. It leaves you vulnerable and sensitive. Growing means others may want to nibble away at you. We are afraid of being left behind or fearful that if our counter-part grows, there will be no place left for us.
The truth is that there are no boundaries, except for those in our imaginations. Growing bigger doesn’t imply that someone else will be smaller! It is only our mindset that creates conflict and the self-limiting behavior that prevents us from being more.
Growing Others As we grow, it’s our responsibility to help others do the same. The path may seem simple enough but is very hard to do. It requires a deep look into who you really are. But that’s ok, the temporary discomfort is ok because it is by moving through those things, rather than running away, that we learn about ourselves. As a facilitator, it’s important to be respectful and sensitive to others to avoid hitting an exposed nerve and causing an early decline. Remember to listen to others experiences and problems, instead of forcing your solution. Your gift is your knowledge, experience and a sympathetic ear.
The Kernel of Growth As humans, we are alike in so many ways and yet our experiences and past make us special. Many of us diminish our own worth and believe that we have nothing to offer. That’s NOT TRUE!! You don’t need to be famous or a big figure to be able to affect others. We each have a unique self that can offer what nobody else can. Even the small things we do make a difference to someone; a smile, a helping hand, showing someone you care. Imagine, if you let somebody nibble away at you, what would you lose? Who else would be affected by it besides you? It is up to you find what your kernel is, the unshakeable belief and strengths that tide you over even in the worst times. The journey is not without risk. In your search you could get lost and look foolish. Or you could have an adventure and realize your destination was worth it all. Above all, you must understand another person’s growth does not diminish YOU. Do not hold him or yourself back. Take that risk because “Nothing Ventured, Something Lost”. |