Existing training isn't working well

You have training programs, but your managers aren't getting it. They may be decent managers, but they're stuck in their style and not coming close to realizing their potential. Some are demanders who boss people around and lose their employee's ideas and motivation. Some are trying to be their employees' friend when they should be setting priorities and deadlines. Over the years, they get more entrenched in their ways. How can you reach them to make the changes they need to be more effective?
Perhaps you've tried personality tests such as the Myers-Briggs personality profiles or communication-style tests that classify people into one of four types. These tests generate interest and insight, but the information learned is not directly focused on the managerial relationship; they deal with the whole personality or general communication style. If managers are motivated to make some changes, they are usually temporary.

My Framework - Managers Can Learn to Relate and Require

There's a new way to train managers, and it's simpler and more effective. There are two sets of skills that are vital and fundamental to managing. If a manager has both sets, he or she will naturally do most of the things you want your managers to do.

The first set of skills is the ability to "relate" to one's employees. It's manifested by the ability to really listen and understand what his or her employees are saying and to nurture and encourage them to grow and achieve. This ability to relate is crucial in that it helps managers understand their direct reports better, use their skills more effectively and receive the benefit of their people's ideas and natural motivation. But, it's possible to have too much of a good thing. Extreme "relaters" need to be liked so much that "requiring" is threatening to them, so they routinely avoid the confrontational aspects of coaching for and insisting on excellence.

The second set of skills is the ability to require - to insist that timeliness, quality and productivity goals are met. These are also imperative skills for good managers, but can be taken to extremes. Extreme "requirers" need to dominate and expect people to do things their way. As a result they are unable to demonstrate sufficient relating skills to garner their people's ideas and retain their motivation.

Most managers have some skill in each set, but rely on one set too much, losing access to potential ways of solving their people-management issues. The best managers possess the ability to do both well and know when to choose one over the other. We need to train managers in these skills first.

How to Use This Framework in Managerial Training

1. Assess Natural Style: This training would involve understanding what their natural style is - to relate or to require. There are tests available that look at what managers actually do with their employees and will indicate if they are naturally a relater or requirer.
2. Check for Overuse: Once a manager understands his most natural style, she needs to assess if she uses it too much. A manager relates "too much" if she believes she is responsible for her direct report's success, has such a great need to be liked that she has difficulty disagreeing or correcting work, is constantly trying to receive signals from her people about how they are feeling, or is accommodating and understanding at the expense of getting the work out on time with the highest quality. She can understand (but hasn't focused on) the things that are not getting done because of her over-relating.
3. A manager requires "too much" if he doesn't give his employees enough rope to finish their thoughts and sentences, pushes too hard to do the impossible, doesn't change his mind even with new information, criticizes their ideas quickly, is eager to tell others his agenda but slow to hear theirs, or is arrogant about his abilities and opinions. He will need someone to clarify how his behavior is hurting him achieve the results he wants. But once he learns that his over-requiring is hurting him, he will be motivated to change it. Select Very Specific Corrective Actions: When managers understand how much they relate and separately, require, they know what they need to work on to improve. Over-relaters need to learn how to reduce their need to be liked, from wanting to feel liked on every interaction to wanting to be respected and liked long term. Over-requirers need to learn how to reduce their need to dominate so that others can develop esteem in their contributions to the success of the group. Both need to develop their less natural skills. Relaters need to learn how to better assert themselves and require of others. Requirers need to learn how to better listen, understand, nurture and encourage others. Managers get this. It matches their sense of reality.

Feedback I've Received on this Framework
A few years ago, I ran management courses on relating and requiring for almost one thousand managers. I heard from over-relaters how hard it was for them to say, "I need you to" or "I expect you to" to their employees. These phrases felt risky to the friendship they wanted to have with their employees. I also heard from people who worked for over-requiring managers how hard it was for these managers to just ask questions and really take time for and care about the answer. They felt at risk when they weren't in a telling mode. Relaters and requires need to be re-trained.

Ideally, training should be tailored separately to relaters and requires, giving them different messages. Take decision-making. The requirer needs to learn how to allow participation by employees before she decides what is the best course of action. The relater needs to learn how to make the decision on the basis of what is best for the group even if he knows that many of his people will disagree with it.

I learned that managers understand this concept quickly and intuitively. They know if they tend to relate or require first. They can be told the impacts they have on others and "get it." They understand if they can access their less natural side, they will become more versatile to handle different people or situations better.

Conclusion
If a company wants to help their managers succeed, it should help them understand their current leanings toward relating and requiring. Then it should create a high quality course in relating skills and another one in requiring skills. All existing training courses will subsequently be more effective, as managers will be able to discuss why they approach issues differently. The company will save money while improving morale and productivity.