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Cross Cultural Skills
Unlearning stereotypes
of Asians - a personal journey
 I was much intrigued to read
Unexpected Portraits from Asia, because it led me to think about my own
experience in unlearning some of the stereotypes I have held about Asians
for a long time. Thank you for reminding us that Asia is large continent
with many diverse cultures, and does not have the cultural uniformity that
could lend itself to stereotyping. I guess I'm not too unlike many
Westerners in that there was a time when phrases like "oppressed women" and
"backward societies in need of ideas of Western liberation" did pop into my
mind when Asia was mentioned. But after having the chance to interact with
individual Asians, both men and women, from many different countries, I've
found myself questioning some previously strongly held ideas.
I once worked in an office with many women from China. I had previously
assumed that East Asian women, including Chinese women, were less likely to
work outside the home compared to American women, so I was very surprised
when one of my co-workers told me how surprised she was to see 'so many
housewives' in the US. We had gone for a brief excursion outside the office
and she found the sight of a woman, seemingly a full-time mom, playing with
her children in the neighborhood playground during work hours a very novel
thing indeed. The Chinese woman then said there were many American
housewives in her neighborhood, and that she had never seen such a high
concentration of housewives before. I must have been subconsciously
expecting Asian women to be impressed with the 'liberation' and career
options of women in American society, and it really jarred me at first when
my Chinese female coworker said that most Chinese women, at least in the
cities, are not housewives. But I realized my coworker was not criticizing
the 'homemaker' status of American women, unlike how many Americans so
freely criticize Asian societies for allegedly keeping their women at home.
The Chinese woman was merely wondering how families here could afford to
have one spouse stay home. Apparently, the cost of living in Chinese cities
is so high that having two incomes per household is almost always necessary.
Many of the Chinese women I worked with were very loud and outspoken, which
led me to doubt my previous assumptions about the "downtrodden Oriental
woman" as contrasted to the "liberated Western woman". Women in Asia, on the
average, may be disadvantaged compared to their male counterparts when it
came to job opportunities, financial mobility and responsibility for
housework, but we can make the same statement about Western women. In
America, at least, women are underpaid compared to males doing the same job,
and women are still under-represented in higher management. Many Asian
countries have already had one or more female heads of states, but the US is
yet to see a woman president. Asian women may not all be treated like
queens, but they are, on the average, not treated like doormats either. The
same can be said for Western women.
Getting to know my Asian male coworkers more closely and seeing in person
how they interacted with their families really drove home for me the irony
of how the average American man lets his wife take a disproportionate share
of responsibility for child care and housework, and yet we love pointing
fingers at men from non-Western countries, calling them 'oppressors of
women'. My male coworkers included Thais, Indians, Chinese, Japanese and
Koreans. I had extended conversations with many of them and visited some of
them in their homes. My Thai friend worked on household projects, such as
sewing curtains and cushions together with his wife, the kind of work that
many of my Western male friends considered too 'sissy' for their 'macho'
selves. My Indian friend would rush home everyday to take up his shift in
childcare, so that his wife would have time for herself away from their
young child. He made it is principle NEVER to violate his wife's free time.
Other Asian male friends also helped their wives with cooking and cleaning,
encouraged their wives' career advancement, and were extremely conscientious
about sharing the burden of childcare.
Two Chinese men I knew quit their office jobs so they could stay home and
take care of their children while their Chinese wives worked outside the
home. Looking at these Chinese men's choices, I cannot help but think of the
many Western males I've had to listen to whining about the 'selfish,
career-minded American woman destroying the family by putting her work
before her man.' Well, maybe it is time for us enlightened Western males to
put our women before our work just as we expect our women to put us before
their careers. It is only fair.
I am not claiming that ALL Asian men are nicer to their wives than ALL
Western men. I've certainly seen Asian male attitudes towards women that the
average Western man would find appalling. Most of my Korean coworkers,
unfortunately, would not have changed my stereotypes of Asian male sexism if
I had not have exposure to other Asian men. I have no intention of
generalizing the attitudes of all Korean men, but those I've observed seemed
to be honorable people who usually adhere to a system of debt and obligation
(more familiar to us Westerners as 'give-and-take') with their friends, that
is, their *male* friends. When it comes to female associates (who are not
even girlfriends or wives), the men do not seem to abide by the same code of
honor. Instead, the men take for granted that the women would do things for
them without expecting
 anything in return. They felt entitled to ask for
women's help and did not feel the least obligated to return this help when
asked. I saw this in their personal dealings as well as workplace
interactions. When Western women (and men) took issue with this kind of
'one-way-street' exchange, the Korean men threw a fit and some of them
started crying 'racism' (I believe they were using this tactic as a
'diversion', and not because they really believed in their own accusations)
though the fault was clearly theirs. The Japanese I worked with seemed
equally courteous and conscientious towards both men and women alike. They
were also much more open-minded and tolerant than my stereotypes of Japanese
taught me to expect.
Attitudes towards women vary from country to country in Europe, and even
between different social groups in the same country. The same thing is true
in Asia. My Chinese and Indian friends explained that women fared better in
the traditional cultures of South India and South China than the traditional
cultures of North India or North China. Goddess worship is purportedly more
popular in Southern India, and the place of women in southern cultures is
higher. Southern Chinese men were traditionally more likely to split
housework with their wives, though the north is catching up in recent years.
The bride shortage meant that young Chinese women now have many spousal
candidates to choose from. Young men in northern China may have found it
necessary to cultivate a good attitude towards housework as a competitive
advantage. One of my acquaintances, a European woman who spent some years in
northern China, was impressed that young Chinese men shared housework with
their wives. She contrasted the Chinese men to the men back home in her
Mediterranean country, whom she said expected their wives to do all the
work.
I have also watched many Asian movies directed by Asian men, and had to
admit that Asian male directors, on the average, treat Asian female
characters with much more respect than do Western male directors. Asian
films have their fair share of bimbo characters, but so do European and
American films. In many Asian films, important female characters appear in
their own right - not as someone's love interest. By this, I mean the female
character, even though she might appear attractive, does not end up with any
male character at any point of time in the plot. She has some function other
than to be a male character's trophy or motivation. In contrast, I have
never seen an Asian female character who was not a man's love interest in a
movie directed by a Westerner. Asian male directors also give Asian female
characters a much broader range of roles than do Western male directors.
Asian women in American movies are usually either unconfident and 'cute' or
seductive and exotic; at any rate, non-threatening. The lack of diversity of
Asian images in American or European films, we might say, is expected since
there are relatively few Asian roles in Western film to start with. But for
all our claims of treating women better than Asian men do, we have created
less empowered images of Asian women than their 'sexist' men back home.
I do not claim to be an 'enlightened' Westerner. I am in the process of
unlearning stereotypes myself. Just recently, I saw the Japanese movie
Twilight Samurai, and I was surprised that the male characters in the story
were so respectful of women even though the plot was set in Old Japan before
the Imperial Restoration. The title character valued women's education and
criticized language which was objectifying to women. Another male character
had great respect for his sister as an independent thinker and mover. He saw
her as someone who is wise and capable of taking care of herself. Then I
asked myself why seeing such Japanese male characters surprised me. Perhaps
I still held on to Western ideas about Japanese men. At any rate, Asian men
certainly do not see themselves the way Westerners see them. The Iranian
movie Baran also featured a hero who was different in every way from the
Western stereotype of the sexist and oppressive Middle Eastern/West
Asian/Central Asian male. In fact, I do not think I have ever seen a white
Western male movie character who so unselfishly served a female love
interest without asking or expecting anything in return. Our heroes, such as
James Bond, are always seeking some form of reward or gratification in
'conquest' - 'getting the girl' at least on the emotional, if not the
physical level.
Misogynistic men, deadbeat dads, philanderers and wife beaters exist all
over the world. Of course, if we compare the worst Asian husbands against
the best Western husbands, Western men will come out looking better. This
tactic, however, cuts both ways. Someone might also compare the best Asian
men against the worst Western men, in which case, Western men will of course
appear unimpressive. In my opinion, Western media has almost always taken
the first approach, creating a negative and skewed image of Asian men
instead of showing Asian men as people who are more like us than unlike us;
people with similar virtues and vices.
I understand many Asians and other non-Westerners may feel insulted by
demeaning stereotypes that Westerners hold about them. However, I also hope
they can understand that people cannot know what they have not been told. If
all an individual sees is a certain kind of image in the media, he can
hardly be faulted for accepting it as 'reality'. Therefore, I would like to
extend an invitation to those who feel insulted and exasperated by 'stupid
stereotypes' to take the constructive role of teaching others, instead of
limiting their responses to scolding and blaming, which does not move anyone
forward
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