Job Hopper
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."
Payday
A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held
up his last paycheck.
'This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,' he said.
'I know,' the employer said. 'But last week I overpaid you two hundred
dollars, and you never complained.'
'Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake,' the worker answered, 'but
when it gets to be a habit, I feel
I have to call it to your attention.'
Vocabulary for Your Workplace
Memo:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
through out the company have been using foul language during the course
of normal conversation with other employees. Due to complaints received
from some employees who are more easily offended, this type of language
will no longer be tolerated. Nonetheless we do realize the critical
importance of individuals being able to properly express their feelings
when communicating with fellow employees. Therefore, a list of code
phrase replacements has been compiled so proper exchange of ideas and
information can continue in an effective manner without risk of
offending our more sensitive co-workers.
OLD PHRASE:
PREFERRED NEW PHRASE:
You would have to be an idiot!
I'm certain that's not feasible.
You've got to be kidding me.
Really?
Tell someone who cares.
Perhaps you should check with...
I hope the game is on tonight.
Of course I'm concerned.
It's not my problem.
I
wasn't involved with that project
What the heck?
Interesting.
Get a clue, it will never work.
I'm not sure I can implement this.
Why didn't you tell me that sooner?
I'll try to schedule that.
When do you expect me to do this?
Perhaps I can work late.
Why are you whining?
Are you sure this is a problem?
He's got his head up his butt.
He's not familiar with the problem.
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We're not idiots.
You don't say.
I am planning to kill you.
Excuse me?
Kiss my butt.
So you'd like my help with it?
Shove it
I
love a "challenge".
Who died and made you the boss?
You want me to take care of this?
Another unproductive meeting?
Yes, we really should discuss this.
I could care less.
I
don't think it will be a problem.
He's a jerk and should die.
He can sometimes be insensitive.
She can be a real bitch.
She's an aggressive go-getter.
A monkey could do a better job.
You could benefit from some training.
Nobody does anything around here.
We're going through a transition. |
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
***
Conway's
Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what
is going on - This person must be fired.
***
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest
people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
- Robert Orben
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