|
 Ever
had one of those decisions that no matter what you did, you just could not
decide what to do? Well I know I have, and they have been some doozies!
I've also witnessed friends and clients go through impossible decisions
and seen what agony, confusion, and frustration they can cause.
There are many different ideas and theories about how to make GOOD
decisions. You can weigh the pros and cons, make your decision that way.
Or you can follow your logic, or your heart, depending on which idea you
are using. No matter what theory you use, there is one underlying
agreement; you have to make the decision on your own.
People act differently when making big decisions. I myself like to get the
opinion of everyone I trust, however I have usually already made my
decision and just like to see what everyone else thinks I'll do. I have
friends who are opposite of me, in fact, I would not even know they were
making a big decision until they told me the results. They like to take
time to think of it by themselves and make the decision without anyone
else's input. Neither way is wrong or right, just different.
As I said before though, not all decisions are easy to make. One of the
reasons some decisions are hard to make is because we are not completely
sure of what we want out of life. And while discovering what we want is an
entirely different topic, it helps to know the general direction you want
to go in. If you want to be a Chinese Acrobat, you probably will not make
the decision to move to Fiji to be a bartender in a little grass hut on
the beach. While that is an obvious example, sometimes we miss the bigger
picture when making
decisions.
Then there is always the issue of feeling torn between two desires. You
may want to settle down and get married while a part of you wants to
travel the world alone and see what wonderful experiences await you. You
may miss out on both desires if you spend your whole life trying to decide
which one is better for you. There is always a way to have everything you
want, I fully believe that. A little ingenuity and desire can get you both
the marriage and the traveling. Instead of finding a traditional mate,
find a mate who wants to travel with you, or finds it exciting that you
want to travel alone because they like it when you're gone so they can
miss you and strengthen their love for you. There is always a way to have
what you want, you just have to make the decision to have it and then be
open to the doors that open in your life.
If you want to be rich, then make the decision to be rich and get off your
butt and make some money! If you want to be famous then get your picture
to every agency in the world. If you want to be married/settled down, then
get out there and start meeting people. If you want a baby then find
someone to have a baby with or have one on your own. If you want to lay
around at home all day and do whatever you want, then figure out how to do
it!
Once you realize what you want, you start realizing why you can't have
what you want:
-
"Well, I can't
be rich because I only make $5 an hour."
-
"I can't be famous, that
just happens to people, they don't go find it."
-
"I should only have a baby if
I'm married."
-
"I can't lay around all day,
people will think I'm lazy"
-
"I don't even have a
boyfriend/girlfriend, how can I get married."
-
"I am who I am and that's not
going to change, so how can my life change?"
So now we have seen that making a decision is much more than just picking
something. Big decisions in our life are emotional as well as logical. One
of the biggest hangups while making these type of decisions is that
people's emotions and logic fight with each other. You may deeply love
someone yet logically feel that the because you are 1000 miles away from
each other that it just cannot work. The real decision always comes down
to "am I happy now?" and "will I be happier if I do this?"
As we all know, nothing in life will make you happy all the time. There is
no job, no spouse, no friend, no child, no parent, no home, no song, no
nothing that will make you happy all the time. It is just not possible. So
what you are deciding is, "is the level of happiness at this job, or in
this relationship more than the level of unhappiness?"
In actuality, you can be happy anywhere, no matter what is going on.
Happiness is a state of mind. Even people in the most horrific situations
have been able to find happiness. You have to WORK at being happy no
matter what is going on in your life. That is the real decision. Of course
no one can be happy all the time, yet making the effort to be happy is
what is most important.
 Big decisions can most easily be made when you decide that you can be
happy or content with either choice. When you can really feel that you
will be okay and can find happiness no matter what you do, then you be
able to make the "best" decisions. It can be very frustrating to decide
what to do, but you can alleviate some of the frustration by realizing
that you will be just fine.
One of the biggest decisions I run across in my job is "should I move on
from this relationship/ feelings, or should I stick it out?" There is no
universal answer, and no easy way to make that decision. What I have found
to be a common theme is that there is love and connection, yet very little
happiness. Again, happiness is a state of mind. If you expect a lot from
your relationship, you may not be overly happy. If you don't know what you
want from a relationship, you might not be happy either. Most people say
"but, what about the other person's feelings? What are they going to do?"
While those are valid questions, the real questions should be "what am I
going to do? What do I need to be doing?"
A relationship is a decision. A decision to make it work and a decision to
be happy with what you have. Now do not get me wrong, I am not by any
means suggesting anyone settle just because they should be happy with what
they have. But I am suggesting that maybe it is time to look at your
expectations of the relationship. If you love the person, then why do you
get hung up on little things? Maybe the issue is within yourself, not the
other person. And maybe the issue is them.
Making big decisions is rough, but you always get through it and end up
making some sort of decision. Sometimes life will make decisions for you
if you don't make them yourself. You cannot decide where to move and all
the sudden you lose your job. You get offered another job in another city.
Life stepped in because you would not make the decision. That does not
mean the way life steps in is always positive. You might be making
considerably less money and unhappy with your living conditions. Had you
made the decision on your own, you might have found a better paying job
and moved into a neighborhood you preferred.
There are no guarantees that your decision will be better or worse than
life whapping you on the head. I firmly believe that we have certain
things to do in life, with a lot of free will mixed in. We get signals
emotionally when we are supposed to start changing our life to accommodate
these things that we have to go through. When we are supposed to change we
start feeling ancy and the actual decision to change is presented to our
mind. Not every major decision will lead to a life altering change, but
they may lead to another decision that will.
In my experiences and in watching others, I have found that making your
own decisions while you have the chance usually leads to a better
transition emotionally. Psychics can help you see what will happen if you
go down certain paths in your decision making. Psychics can point out what
will happen if you don't make a decision because you feel stuck. Remember,
not making a decision is making a decision in itself. You are just making
the decision to not deal with it, and life will catch up with you if the
decision was an important one and make it for you.
You will not know what choice is correct or if it was "free-will" or
"pre-determined." You have to trust that you will make the right decision
for you at the time. If you cannot make the decision because you just do
not know what to do, then just stop trying, life will usually make it for
you. Life will show you what decision you should have made. And if life
doesn't show you, then it really was not that big of a decision in the
first place. Good luck!
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