What is Success?
Did you know who in 1923 was:
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful
men. At least they found the secret of making money.
Now more than 55 years later, do you know what has become of these men?
1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died
a pauper.
2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is insane.
3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from
prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of suicide.
The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship,
Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments. Today he is still
playing golf and is solvent.
CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START PLAYING GOLF
TOP TEN LIES FINANCE
PROFESSORS TELL THEIR STUDENTS
1.Don't sweat that
poor grade on your midterm. I am certain that you'll do much better
on the final.
2.Come by my office
any time. I'm always available.
3.You can make a
killing as a stockbroker.
4.Don't worry if
you can't remember that formula. The main thing on the test is that
you grasp the intuition.
5.It doesn't matter
what I think; write what you believe.
6.If you come to
all the lectures, you'll do just fine.
7.My other section
is much better prepared than you guys.
8.What's your problem?
Any moron can understand bond pricing models.
9.Don't worry about
that final grade. No one will care anyway.
10.Of course, I
make a lot investing. I only teach so I can help young people.
A young
man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son,
it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last
nickel."
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing
the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I
spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20
cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd
accumulated a fortune of $9.80."
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
My
favourite economist joke ... no offense intended to my economist friends,
but coming from a government town, ... well you gotta laugh ....
WASHINGTON DC GOVERNMENT
ECONOMIST HUNTING REGULATIONS AND
BAG LIMITS
GENERAL
1. Any person with
a valid Washington DC hunting license or a Federal Income Tax Return
may harvest government economists.
2. Taking of economists
with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is
prohibited.
3. Killing of economists
with a vehicle is prohibited. If one is accidentally struck, remove
the dead economist to side of the road and proceed to the nearest car
wash.
4. It is unlawful
to chase, herd, or harvest economists from limousines, Mercedes Benz's,
the Metro, or Porsches.
5. It shall be unlawful
to shout "research contract" or "I need a policy consultant"
for the purpose of trapping economists.
6. It shall be unlawful
to hunt economists within 100 feet of government buildings.
7. It shall be unlawful
to use decision memos, draft legislation, conference reports, or RFP's
to attract economists.
8. It shall be unlawful
to hunt economists within 200 feet of Senate or House hearing rooms,
libraries, whorehouses, massage parlors, special interest group offices,
bars, or strip joints.
9. If an economist
is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap,
or possess it. It will also be a shame.
10. Stuffed or mounted
economists must have a DC Health Department inspection certificate for
rabies and vermin.
11. It shall be
illegal for a hunter to disguise as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female
congressional aid, sheep, legislator, policy maker, bookie, lobbyist,
or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting economists.
BAG LIMITS
1. Econometrician
2
2. Two-faced Policy
Analyst 1
3. Macro Policy
Wonk 4
4. Big-mouthed Populist
2
5. Relevant Economist
EXTINCT
6. Cut-throat Administration
Seeker 2
7. Back-stabbing
Senior Author 2
8. Brown-nosed Deputy
Kisser 2
9. Silver-tongued
Congressional Consultant $100 BOUNTY
10. Wise-assed Civil
Libertarian 7
11. Staff economist
no limit
Humor