Imagine what your life would be like if you dropped all of your
goals this very second. Can you? If you are like most people, you
probably have a great deal of difficulty in imaging what this
would be like (or you have just fired me for posing such a silly
question).
This type of reaction speaks directly to my point -- that we
often define ourselves through our goals. In fact, our goals
become so deeply tied to our sense of self that we often no longer
question why we work towards the goals we set for ourselves. The
pressure we feel to distinguish ourselves from the crowd
frequently drives us to set the wrong goals. If we are then faced
with having to let go of our goals, we resist, kicking and
screaming. Knowing this, it's critical to examine why we set the
particular goals we do to ensure we are on the right path for
ourselves.
Years ago when I was applying to colleges, I did not have a
good sense of what I really wanted to do with my life or where to
direct my energy. Being the fifth of five kids, my parents weren't
thrilled about paying for yet another child's education. So, they
started dropping hints for me to apply for an ROTC scholarship to
pay for my schooling.
These scholarships are somewhat prestigious as the government
picks up the entire tab for college. In return, recipients have to
take military classes, are expected to major in engineering, and
spend at least 4 years in the service as an officer and 4 years in
the reserves. Sounded decent enough to me.
After a while, the competitive nature of the application
process even got my juices flowing. I was going to do whatever it
took to win. After a battery of interviews, tests, pushups and
physicals, I got a phone call informing me that I ha been awarded
a scholarship to the University of Florida. I had actually
achieved the first part of my goal and secured a free ride to
college! I remember being quite pleased with myself. Then reality
struck.
When I arrived at school in the fall, I had trouble adjusting
to my newly regimented life. I had little in common with any of
the other midshipmen. Since I spent a lot of time with these young
men, this meant I had few friends.
My feet bled constantly from my tight white shoes rubbing the
skin off my heels. The cleaners turned my dress white uniform a
pale shade of blue (THAT goes over well with the brass). I
struggled to remain conscious during my dry engineering classes.
Come to think of it, I despised the whole experience.
However, as I look back, there is no need to call in Sherlock
Holmes to figure out what went wrong. My need for independence,
disdain for authority, and lack of ironing skills stacked the deck
against me being successful in sustaining this goal.
While this was clearly a wonderful opportunity to achieve a
great goal for the right person, the simple fact was that this
goal was not right for me. The things that mattered most to me --
my freedom, my individuality, and my love for studying people --
were not being nurtured in this environment. In fact, they were
being almost completely suppressed. My "great goal" was in direct
conflict with my values and I was completely miserable.
But unhappy as I was, I still felt the need to hang on to this
goal. I was no quitter. No, I would do this even if just to prove
to everyone else (regardless of whether they really cared or not)
that I could achieve this goal.
One fateful day when I was required to wear my nice white
uniform around campus, I caught a glimpse of another person in
uniform as he exited from the busiest building on campus. You see,
you are supposed to recognize the emblems on the shoulders of
other military folks and salute the officers. Since I could never
master what the bars and squiggles meant, I just did what I always
did when such a situation arose. I tried to hide among the other
students.
I guess my uniform did not exactly blend in the sea of shorts
and flip-flops since I can still hear this Marine's booming voice
echo across the quad. "Midshipman, do you think I can get a salute
out of you?" he bellowed. Hundreds of students froze, including
me. Completely mortified and with all eyes on me, I guess I must
have raised my hand to my cap. It was one of the most embarrassing
moments of my life, but also turned out to be one of the most
liberating.
That was it. I no longer cared what anyone thought, not my
parents, not my siblings or my friends. I came to the realization
that while pain is inevitable in life, suffering is optional. I
quit the program the next day. For the first time in my life, I
gave up on a really big goal.
Immediately, I felt like me again. I had no plan, no goals, and
far fewer worries. As time passed, I found I was really drawn to
psychology and decided to major in it. I found enjoyable work
during the school year and worked full time during the summers to
make up for expenses. Opportunities that were previously obscured
by my laser-like focus on my goal appeared all around me. Giving
up that particular goal was the best thing I have ever done for
myself.
So, I am challenging you to examine your goals. First, what are
your values? Now, do your goals reflect these values? Have you
ever really thought about the relationship between your values and
your goals? If not, I strongly encourage you to take the time to
do so. For if you are truly setting goals around your values, you
are living your life at the highest level and giving yourself a
tremendous gift. This is where you will achieve true success, both
intrinsically and through the financial rewards that often follow
doing what you love. When you set the right goals for yourself,
these goals will become so compelling that you are naturally drawn
to achieving them and they can be reached with remarkable ease and
without suffering.
So ask yourself, "What would be a great goal to drop today?" **
GOALS The Power Line to Success and Achievement
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SMARTEST Goal Setting Techniques
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