My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage,
"Is this what you get paid for ?" I told him, "Nope ! I do this for free."
 

This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too.
I remember once he posted a sign which read "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." I couldn't resist and added a note: "And now you know why too".
 

Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with  a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, "Yeah, how does this thing work ?" I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, "Any questions ?" She said, "Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from ?"
 

People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah ??? When's the last time ya ever heard of anyone who "rested to death".
 

Being punctual in our Office was of no benefit what-so-ever. There was never anybody around to appreciate it.
 

Our Office was always on the cutting edge of technology. Not only did we have computers
which spoke as well as listened; Hell, some of them even got ulcers.
 

Did ya ever notice the people who complain the most about not having enough time to do all their work are the same ones who always stop & tell everyone that they don't have enough time to do all their work.

Business One-Liners