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Just the other day a sales person told me she would do
whatever it took to make me happy and that really ticked me off!
Why would that be? Shouldn’t I be thrilled that she was offering
to do whatever it took to make me happy? No, because the words
didn’t match her body language. As she was telling me she would do
whatever it took to make me happy, she had her hands on her hips,
her legs spread apart and was looking down at me. It really came
off as, “you really are being a pain lady so what does it take to
get rid of you?” This salesperson will probably not realize why
she lost a customer. Always remember that a person will listen
more to your body language than to your words spoken!
You see, over 65%-90% of every conversation is interpreted
through body language. We react more to what we think a person
meant than to the words that are said. So you need to think about
whether your body language matches the words you are saying. If a
person tells you “you are doing a great job” with a big smile on
their face and a relaxed body, you will probably believe them. On
the other hand if a person says “you are doing a great job” and
their teeth are gritted, they have a half smile and a stiff body ,
you will be confused as to what they really meant after they walk
away. Most likely you will feel that you are actually not working
up to par, but you will not be sure why.
Body language is one of
the best communication tools we have yet so few of us every learn
how to read it. Actually only about 4% of the population
understands how to read body language. Think about the last
messages you received from others that ticked you off. Was it
really the words, tone of voice or the body language? By changing
our voice tone on certain words or by adjusting our body language
we can give a whole different meaning to what we said. Take the
statement “I did not tell her to not come to the party.” If you
say, “I did not tell her to not come to the party” it insinuates
that someone else told her not to come. If you say, “I did not
tell her to not come to the party” insinuates that you may have
suggested she not come, but you didn’t tell her not to come. If
you say, “I did not tell her to not come to the party” insinuates
that you told someone else not to come to the party. If you say,
“I did not tell her to not come to the party” insinuates that you
told her not to come to another event. So you can see that many
different interpretations can come with the emphasis placed on the
word.
As managers, it is
imperative that you look at the body language you use and make
sure it is congruent with your message. If you shift your eyes and
look away a lot your people will not trust the message being
given. If you raise your voice in a question
 while
giving out quotas, it will sound as though you don’t believe they
are achievable. I once worked with a manager that had a terrible
morale problem in the office. It turns out this manager asked his
people what they wanted from him. They requested that he drop in
their offices every once in a while and that they schedule regular
meetings with him. He was doing both things but the morale got
even worse. When I came in to study situation I found that his
body language is what was causing all the problems. It was very
domineering! When he dropped in to people’s offices, he would take
up the whole doorway or walk right in and up to their desk and
look them in the eye—even if they were on the phone! This was very
unnerving to people and definitely sent the message that their
space was his space. At the meetings he would sit with his hands
behind his head, cross his legs, lean back and look at the
ceiling. This gave the impression that he knew all the answers and
frustrated his people. Just by changing these few body signs he
was able to change morale.
If you are in customer service you need to think about the
message you are giving customers. Do you really try to do
everything possible or is your voice telling the other person to
please move on so you can help the next customer? A client of mine
has a plaque in his office that says, “the phone is not an
interruption in your work it is the reason you are here.” I think
that says it all. Do you make the other person feel welcome and
warm to voice complaints. To be perceived positively with body
language I recommend you make eye contact, smile, nod occasionally
during their conversation, lean slightly in to them and tilt your
head to one side as you are listening. Shifting eyes, making eye
contact less than 50% of the time, shifting your weight from hip
to hip, sighing, and fidgeting are all signs the person will
interpret as that you don’t care about what they are saying.
Remember that a person doesn’t care if you have all the answers,
all they want to know is that you would do whatever you could do
to help them out.
So, reflect now on the messages you send every day to your
employees, your coworkers and your friends? Do you stand with your
shoulders back, walk with a lilt, make eye contact and smile? If
you do, you will be seen as more forceful and energetic. More of a
leader. If you walk with your shoulders slumped, head down, speak
in a flat tone, and/or fidget a lot, you will be seen as a person
that can’t make up their mind, is more negative or that needs a
lot of guidance. Remember how you are perceived is up to you. Ask
a friend what body signs you do that give away your thoughts and
feelings and then work to change those body signs. You will be
surprised at how much you say without saying a word! **
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