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Negotiating seems to bring out the best and the
worst in people. Unless you create a win-win negotiating situation,
everyone loses eventually. If you win
and your customer loses, you will lose that customer. If your customer
wins and you lose, you can go out of business. Win-win is the only
way! So what are the niceties in the nuances of negotiating? Here are
some of the most commonly asked questions and answers.
1. So much of the way people behave in
negotiations causes anger, bitterness, hostility, antagonism. What are
some of the behaviors that undermine people when they
negotiate?
 The most common ploy is to overpower or
intimidate the opposition through a variety of dirty tricks. But that
leaves one side feeling used and abused, and as you said hostile,
bitter, and angry. The other behavior that undermines the negotiating
process is to focus on the relationship, to try to be nice and liked.
While the likeability factor can play a role, giving you a better chance
of achieving your goals if the opposing side likes you, you shouldn't
let that get in the way of the negotiating process. Minding one's
manners is not synonymous with playing doormat and having people walk
all over you. You can be strong and still be courteous.
2. What are some of the tactics used to
intimidate?
The opposition makes negative comments
about your appearance to rattle you. They keep you waiting, or they
interrupt the negotiations to take calls while you twiddle your thumbs
and get yourself all worked up. They don't listen - or at least make a
pretense of not listening - and make you repeat everything to throw you
off. They deliberately refuse to make eye contact. They play good
cop/bad cop just like on TV shows like NYPD Blue or
Homicide. They browbeat, denigrate and insult the opposing side
and tell them that their opinions are all wrong. And finally, they make
threats.
3. How do you handle people who pull these
tactics on you?
Anybody who pulls these cheap
tricks must realize that by attacking the other side and putting them on
the defensive, they risk damaging the relationship, possibly
permanently. If you are on the receiving end of these behaviors, keep
your emotions in check. Easier said than done, but the other side is
trying to make you lose your cool, and you'll play right into their
hands. Don't counterattack. Acknowledge their behavior to defuse
confrontation and to help prevent a recurrence. Or, deflect the attack.
Remember, you are in control of your emotions, not the other person.
4. Well, let's look at specifics. How would
you handle derogatory comments on your
appearance?
While we should always separate the
people from the issues, a quick comment about the rough night you must
have had last night can be just enough to throw you off. So, smile
sweetly, and inform the critic that your appearance has never before
interfered with your skills as a negotiator, so let's start negotiating.
5. What about being kept
waiting?
Issues of time are a major source of offense in
our culture. Keeping people waiting is a petty power play that usually
insults the one kept waiting. I would call them on it by suggesting
rescheduling for another day when they have time to devote to the
negotiating table. Ditto for people who purposely don't listen. A comment
like, "You're obviously very distracted today, and I wouldn't want to take
advantage of your inattention. Let's reschedule." usually has them
blustering that there is no problem really.
6. And that good guy/bad guy
routine?
"There seems to be some disagreement
between you. Perhaps the two of you need a few minutes to sort out your
objectives here today. Why don't we break for 15 minutes while you work
it out?"
7. But threats aren't that easy to
ignore...
No they're not, and they're usually the
sign of an inexperienced or a bad negotiator. Threats can be handled in
a variety of ways, depending on the situation and your feelings about
the threat. You can ignore it, call the bluff, make it difficult for
them, propose to take it to the press. It's hard to be specific.
8. What are some of the ways to facilitate
negotiations?
Respect time by being punctual and
prepared. Work on your communication skills. Ask open-ended
questions rather than issue pronouncements. Be careful of the word "why",
though, because it can be perceived as accusatory. Invite discussion, and
be open to correction and persuasion. "Please correct me if I'm wrong ..."
or "Help me to understand..." are much more likely to spur the negotiating
process and give you valuable information than some pronouncement from
your position platform. Analyze and improve upon ideas from the
opposition's point of view. Ask their advice.
When in doubt, use silence. It makes most people very
uncomfortable. Just remember, he who speaks first loses.
9. You mentioned "our culture", is
negotiating in other cultures much different?
It
most certainly is. Each culture has its own set of principles and values
that determine how people think and behave. There is no generic
international model, so there is a greater potential for
misunderstanding because your opponent views the world
differently. You heap issues on top of the issues on the table.
10. In which
way?
First of all, there is time again. Not only
must you allow a great deal more time for the entire process, but you
must also deal with differing cultural time perspectives.
The
opposing sides views on status, dignity, and protocol must also be
factored in to the equation. Then there is the issue of language. You
will need to explain a great deal more, and you will probably also have
to work with an interpreter. You must be very careful of your choice of
words, avoiding slang, jokes, and technical expressions...all of which
can cramp your usual style. You must also be aware of cultural
prejudices and stereotypes that the other side may hold. Remember, their
values are different from yours.
And, on top of all that, you
probably have to apply these differing behaviors to an entire
negotiating team rather than an individual negotiator. Other cultures
can be much more team-oriented than Americans with their strong sense of
individuality.
11. Any comments or suggestions in
closing?
Always leave on a positive note to
maintain a working relationship for the future. Negotiations should
maintain, if not improve, the relationship. **
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