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Calvin Coolidge once said, “No
man ever listened himself out of a job.” You certainly know people
have talked themselves out of work, and perhaps some have missed
opportunities because they weren’t listening closely enough. Don’t
let this happen to you. Refine your listening skills with these five
tips.
“Where observation is concerned, chance favors only
the prepared mind.” -- Louis Pasteur
Be mentally and physically ready to listen. Prep
yourself by reading appropriate material and doing research before
meetings. Don’t show up only to find yourself lost after the first
five minutes, and then scramble mentally to catch up or just zone
out because you’re lost.
A great athlete doesn’t become a great athlete on
game day; he prepares himself to be ready for a great performance on
game day. You may have thought being a truly good listener was going
to be easier than this. Sorry.
“I have often regretted my speech, never my
silence.” -- Publilius Syrus
How’s that for straightforward? Clearly, you’re a
far more effective listener when you’re not talking. Sure, it’s
important to speak up, but remaining silent the majority of the time
can put an exclamation point on the things you do say. Being quiet
and listening intently brings with it a good aura.
“Concentration is my motto -- first honesty, then
industry, then concentration.” -- Andrew Carnegie
This is the most obvious -- and most broken -- rule
when it comes to listening. Be in the moment. Put other thoughts out
of your mind. You can feel when people aren’t truly listening to
you, and you know when they are. Make sure whoever’s speaking feels
you are really listening.
Focus on what people are saying, and don’t let
yourself get stuck on any one point. Don’t try to answer your
question in your own mind while the person is still speaking. If you
have to, make a note on a piece of paper about a question regarding
what’s been said, but don’t let it debilitate you from listening to
the rest of the conversation.
Likewise, conquer your own defensiveness. If someone
says something that sets you off, let it go. Move on, and continue
to listen to what he’s saying. This is a challenge to the most
mature among us. Being able to mentally process criticism openly and
maturely is one of the best career moves you’ll ever make.
“Everyone and everything around you is your
teacher.” -- Ken Keyes Jr.
You may absolutely despise your coworker, but to be
a good listener, you must always listen with empathy. It’s easy to
let your mind chew on a point of disagreement if you hear something
that bothers you -- or if you just don’t like the person who’s
speaking -- but you’ll miss what’s being said. Try to see the world
through the speaker’s eyes. Think of it as a practice run for when
you’re in discussions with people you like and respect.
“He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who
does not ask remains a fool forever.”
-- Chinese Proverb
Reporters often say their jobs require them to be
experts for a day depending on the story: one day an expert in
aviation and the next an expert in politics. The truth is, their
main expertise is asking insightful questions. And it’s the same for
successful listeners. Like a reporter, you must learn to put people
at ease and ask questions that illicit revealing responses.
Here are some tricks for asking good questions:
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Ask “how” and “why” questions that require a
certain amount of elaboration as opposed to questions that can be
answered with a yes or no.
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It often times helps if you share a little bit of
yourself while asking questions. Example: “I have been having a
hard time getting productivity out of my workers. How do you
suggest I deal with it?”
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Ask tough questions, but do it with a smile. You
can ask difficult or even awkward questions without being
confrontational. When you’re asking killer questions, kill them
with kindness.**
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